SUBLET

some flash fiction for your thursday

She had two weeks left in Greenpoint before the French man came back. Two weeks to find something a bit more habitable but comparably cheap. She had one more payment left on the TriBeCa apartment, and then would insist that the landlord keep the security deposit in lieu of last month’s rent. Finally, she’d be free, but she didn’t know where she’d land after that. She was underqualified for all of the official in-search-of-roommate real estate websites; she lacked recent pay stubs and a flush checking account. A Reddit thread offered a template on how to create a counterfeit offer letter, but that alone would not suffice, so she went under-the-radar in her apartment search instead.

Facebook groups are the darkest and most bizarre places to look for housing, she’d learned. Once you waded through the scammers (and 75-80% of posters were, indeed, scammers), you’d see New Yorkers’ most intimate spaces laid bare. Living room photos where the pantsless photographer is accidentally reflected in a mirror. Closets with unmade beds for $1,350 a pop. Beige carpeting, posters displayed as art. A sink full of dishes. You could nearly smell the bags of trash that could only decamp on the street once a week, you could hear the mice that might scurry within the walls as you slept. Even more mortifying were the written pleas of those seeking housing. Age, pronouns, job, astrological sign. Photos where the seekers were meant to look fun but not wild, neither too calm nor crazy. Seeking a QUEER + 420 FRIENDLY space. An $800 budget. An energetic dog who, they admit, is the reason their landlord kicked them out in the first place. When these posts devolved to public dialogue, nobody was ever on the same page.

Lol no way typed a guy called Mark Rainbowface Fitzgerald in response to a “seeking” post, writing nothing else.

???? replies the original poster, unclear as to why a windowless sublet was so funny. Nvm, Mark types again.
No way lol types user K D West under Mark’s comment, to which the original poster

offers more question marks. This confusion spirals for half a dozen additional comments until Sammi Schwartz, a very real looking blonde girl who went to Syracuse, comments @Original Poster - messaged u!

She wondered what the success-to-horror rate was for finding housing in these groups, especially amongst new leases. We’re seeking a fourth female roommate to join us on our new 18 month lease in Williamsburg. The smallest room is still open for $1,225 (+last month’s rent and security deposit). We’re a group of drama-free girls who are clean, courteous, and keep to ourselves for the most part. No parties, no smoking (sorry! 1 of us is allergic). Comment below if you message us and we don’t see it :) Below the invitation: realtor-sent images with watermarks showcasing subway tile, gray laminate floors, three average-sized bedrooms and one that appeared to be 6x8 and closet-free.

How easy would it be to charm her way into a new apartment? Coming home to three allegedly “drama-free girls” who kept to themselves? There were individual photos of the girls as opposed to a group pic, suggesting that their connection was not organic but rather forced out of need. Kimberly’s profile photo was a selfie with black hair covering one of her eyes, her gaze trailing to the right of the lens. Victoria’s photo was an old baby picture of her and what someone can only assume was her little sister, splashing in an inflatable swimming pool. In Mariana’s picture she was at brunch, holding a mimosa in one hand and tucking her hair behind an ear with the other.

She clicked back to Kimberly’s profile as she was the original poster. The majority of her personal information was hidden, aside from Lives in New York, New York. She began writing Kimberly a message. Hello, she typed, then deleted, deciding it seemed too formal. Hi! she wrote (less serious, more friendly), saw your post and wanted to reach out that i’m interested in the room if it’s still open. i’m free tonight. Nope. i’m available tomorrow to come see it. let me know :) She shut her laptop, vowing that she would not open it until the next day in order to take her mind off of the whole thing. She couldn’t help but imagine their meeting: would Kimberly look like her photo? Would she be shy? Friendly? Would Victoria be there or would she be stuck in a baby pool indefinitely? Would Mariana even care who their fourth roommate was or would she remain out at all hours, annoyed by the calm and sober home that Kimberly was intent on keeping?